Letting go.

 

Is there such a thing as intentionally losing control?

I think that’s what I’m supposed to be learning these days.

To hold people, things, and situations with an open hand.

To maintain my peace in the midst of changes and challenges.

To replace insecurities with hope.

 

May not sound like much, but big things are happening over here, folks.

 

Feel the silence
There’s war beneath our skin
Let it begin
It’s hard to fight
It’s hard to lead resistance
It’s our hearts we’re up against

This world it keeps us
Promising freedom
We thought we could belong
But we don’t belong here
Don’t let us wander
To arms of another
Oh father, yours forever
Let us be a hostage of peace

 

Looking Ahead…

 

…To big changes.

…To building community.

…To learning how to be real when it counts.

…To being adventurous.

…To learning grace.

…To authenticity.

…To being intentional.

…To victory.

…To surrender.

…To growth.

…To more.

Praying to see these things in my life as I enter my 24th year… and more!

So thankful for where He has brought me from, and where He is continuing to lead me. 

On my heart today.

When I sat down to write this post, I really didn’t know that this is what it would turn into. However, the process was therapeutic in a way I wasn’t expecting, and after a good deal of internal debate, I have decided that I will go ahead and share it.

I guess you could say that the following is an “open letter” of sorts. It is written to a dear one who is currently at the top of my daily prayer list.

When you love someone the way I love you, it’s impossible to not be affected by their life choices; impossible to not feel pain as you watch them travel down a road that will bring so much sorrow.

It’s hard to keep from asking myself, “if I had done this or that differently, could this have been prevented?” Because I know the answer.

But if you would let me sit down with you, and have a heart-to-heart like we sometimes used to, there are a few things I would like to share.

I will always have your back. While I’m not happy about a lot of your choices these days, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t drop everything or get out of bed in the middle of the night to be there for you. I want you to succeed, and I will always support your efforts. You’re going to go places, kid. And  I hope you let me come along.

I love you. That will never change. Even when it may seem like I don’t, because it’s not always the kind of love you’re looking for. But I do. My heart aches when I see you where you are, and if I could move these mountains for you, I would.

Because you were/are worth it. I think this might be where you start having trouble believing me, but it’s true. You are beautiful, intelligent, and funny in ways that I could only hope to be. You have such a special, big, loving heart, and you always reach out to those ones who are isolated and lost; showing love and caring in that way that only you can. Probably because you feel like you’ve been there too.

But even if you didn’t have all of these amazing things going for you, you would still be worth it. Your life has meaning, sweetheart. Don’t discount or throw away the amazing calling that God has placed on your life.

You’re worth it. Do know why? He created you. He formed every part, added every quirk and gifting, and made something so so so beautiful. He knows you. Every little thing. Where you’ve been, where you are, and where you will be. And He wants to be allowed to influence that future. Because, dear one- He paid the price for it. He looked into the future, saw your sweet hungry eyes longing for love and acceptance and worth, and He gave it. He sacrificed everything to provide the love and acceptance and worth that you’re seeking for in the wrong places; the places that will never fully satisfy.

There’s more I could say. There’s always more. But for today I’m going to let this be enough.

I hope you can hear my heart… and I hope you can hear His.

I love you, Sunshine.

Sisters.